Hello, my people,

It’s beginning to look like Christmas…everywhere you go! That tune is on a loop at home, at the malls, and in my head! Not complaining though… it is a fun and festive time of the year, and generosity and the happiness of happy holidays are upon us!

The year is coming to an end and putting me in reflection mode, so I thought why not get each one of you in my wonderful community to play along and reflect with me… Can we start today and count down to the 12 days of Christmas, reflecting on one aspect each day- on our relationships, our career, our health goals, and ourselves… what can we STOP, START, and CONTINUE?

I can go first:

I will STOP playing small. Why blend in when I was born to stand out?

I will START a regular social media detox. Sounds daunting right? Been there. Done that. All I can say is that it’s Amazing!… and you can do it too! Just delete the app from your phone and voila…freedom!

I will CONTINUE to work on making better internal and external boundaries. For talking true, to be seen, and (finally) be Free. Here’s to becoming an unapologetic Boundary Boss!! Hell yeah!

Share with me, what you will Stop, Start and Continue. My express thanks to each one of you for taking the time to subscribe, read and share this within your community. My intention is to keep this as a 2-way communication, so stay in touch (There are many ways at: www.drtanushkamelwani.com)

Stay well. Stay Happy and spread happiness. Happy Holidays!

Pain Lasers and Love Lasers:

Since we are in the season of love, light, and reflection, here is an idea worth sharing.

Put simply, light put through a column of mirrors that reflect at different levels are lasers. The amplified light leaks determine how bright and powerful the laser beams can be.

The same works for our thoughts as they leak out to our bodies (through our mental mirrors) and back to our emotions and feelings. Sad, unpleasant, and painful thoughts can be magnified into physical symptoms and beyond. These are what I call Pain lasers.

The same applies to happy, peaceful, and joyful thoughts. Can we get into the habit to be a love laser instead, by taking the glimmers of love that naturally arise and getting in the habit of amplifying those until we are saturated with love, and our “love light” shines intensely out into the world? Wouldn’t that be something?

And wouldn’t it really be something if we could all minimize our “pain lasers” and become more of “love lasers”?

What’s a small step you could take to get just a bit closer to being in the world in that way?

Are you Hungry? Are you Angry? Are you Lonely? Are you Tired?

As the acronym spells out HALT, yes can we take a pause to check in and ask- Are we hungry? Are we Angry? Perhaps we feel like we are alone, unheard, unseen, not validated, and feeling like the only ones. Or just Tired?

This simple acronym has the power to defuse tricky parenting situations – for the kid and the kid in you!

When you find yourself in a tricky situation with your child, or are emotionally dysregulated yourself… ‘halting’ to ask yourself the HALT questions allows you to self-connect. This pause allows you to give yourself enough time to allow the brain to integrate a bit more and ask about the WHY/WHAT behind the behavior: Why is my child/am I behaving this way? What is driving my child’s or my behavior?

Answer (for both scenarios): The brain is not integrated

The best part of applying HALT to our parenting toolbox is knowing what is triggering undesirable behaviors in our children. Armed with that understanding, we are empowered to respond to them or ourselves from a place of empathy and understanding, rather than from a place of confusion and frustration.

And as we practice with our kids or others we may find that in doing so, we’ll also master how to use HALT to better manage our own behaviors. I know I have, AND it’s saved me.. from myself!

And here are some questions/statements you can ask (your kid/other) to get started:

– I hear that you are really angry/disappointed about…
– I’m sure it’s been a long day at school/work, can I make you something to eat?
– It can be so overwhelming when someone doesn’t really get you, right?
– We have done so much today… wouldn’t it be amazing to just take a few deep breaths and a warm shower?

And here are some questions/statements you can ask/tell yourself/self-reflect:

– I haven’t had a moment to myself, I skipped lunch too, didn’t I? I will make/get myself a nourishing snack/meal.
– I feel all these uncomfortable emotions and I feel angry. That’s ok… I don’t have to do anything, and I can take a few deep breaths/go outdoors/exercise until I feel better.
– I feel unheard and unseen by others, but I can validate myself and convey my truth without conflict.
– I haven’t slept well/ have been spreading myself too thin. I need to fill my own cup and get some self-care.

Take the conscious parenting quiz and find out!

Thank you for the immense support, pride, and lovely messages I received on my first edition of Free to Be as well as about how this work is making shifts in your life and relationships. This allows me to stay grounded and work as I move forwards on the conscious parenting path toward growing myself up.

I’m here for you if you are ready for this life-changing and paradigm-shifting conversation.

Get in touch here

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